1. Kristen Schaal asks the important questions in her one woman show, “Inside the Mattress” (x)

  2. stand-up-comic-gifs:

    We want Jason to win. Mass murdering monster, but he’s no bigot. (x)

  3. comedycentral:

    Don’t be depressed. Artie Lange: The Stench of Failure premieres tonight at 12a/11c.

    Click here for a clip.

  4. I leave, it haunts me the rest of my life. Every time I get in a plane, they’re like, “Today’s movie is Final Destination.”  - Myq Kaplan (x)

  5. Louis CK

  6. Like not driving is an excuse for any horrific behavior you could possibly get into. “Oh you just peed on that lady and stabbed her to death!” “I’m taking a taxi. We’re all gonna be fine.” - Morgan Murphy

  7. themeltdownwithjonahandkumail:

    We’ve all been singing “It didn’t work out” since the taping. Join us. 

  8. I don’t get it when people act tough, I don’t understand it. To me, when you act tough you’re just saying, “Hey! I’ve been though a lot of horrible stuff in my life. And I survived it, and now I’m ready to attack anybody, like a Pit Bull.” — I want a demeanor that says, “I’ve never been through anything at all, and I’m just a Pug, riding a decorative pillow. Where will I go today, who knows? But, I shall be carried.

    (Source: death2vega)

  9. vintage-katie:

    "And that’s the kind of friend, if you’re somebody like me, that you need"

  10. Bo Burnham - what.

    (Source: bilbou)

  11. Robert Powell (x)